Tis the Season to...PARTAY!!!!!!

Happy seasoning. This one goes out to the Epson 10000, thanks mum and dad, the fattest pig in all the land!! Thursday my dudes

Scotch Egg

Tis the season to be messed up, I thought today was Thursday (which it now is, technically) but it turned out to be Wednesday so for once I'm ahead of the game. Seasons Beatings for this festive yule time, one hopes you enjoy this non-festive Flesh & Bone with a mince pie under each arm pit and a baileys miniature up each nostril and potato triangles under each fingernail and marks and spencers absolutely finest savoury truffles smeared up your thighs. y'know, like the olden days before text BABE and Buzz Lightyear 360s. Merry minklemas!!!!!!!!!!!

Probs some form of Flesh & Bone on Monday but we all know how unpredictable the days are between Christmas and New Year, who can even remember those days? I'll do it if I'm not hunched over a king-sized toblerone taking care of business.

Find me in the Club

Introducing...the one-panel. Simples! Format switcheroos againsies, we'll back to normal norman four-ways on thursday though I prom-o. Part of some upcoming possible probable print series, checkity wreck it, futures

Walls...sausages...Walls

Yeah, this is why there's no traditional format Flesh & Bone for today. New material coming Monday and the completion to the photo above coming about then too. Timeless! Big it up for santa's little helper!

Where the Wild Things Aren't

New nose? We've all been there. Thank Monday it's Tuesday tomorrow, catch you Thursday mon mongs. Make sure you've chewed the post below properly before digesting this one. It's a lot to take in, I know.

A-Level Art

Imagine you're 16 and you hear the name Walter Gropius that sounds like Walter Grope-yo-ass and Hieronomous Bosch that sounds like a way of saying someone has a large back end, i.e. "J-Lo has an HIERONOMOUS BOSCH!". Then imagine you're in Paris taking in a crepe instead of the Pompidou centre, whoops. There goes my life.

Mad format change on this bap, only temporary mind - scanner rules body and mind. this is the delayed post of last Thursday's strip which was actually done last Thursday so don't make that face.

Oh shit, see you in another post above in ten seconds BYE!

Burgers

Another Monday, another let down. Though in some ways these text-based Flesh & Bones are more to sink your teeth into? You can fantasise about how they might look and all the background detail that might exist (yeah, right!) and things of this nature.

Well, I've got impeccable excuses my lieges. Those saying that F & B has fallen by the wayside, that I've forgotten about it since I opened my shop can go fish because far from forget about it...I've been truly living it. The 3-d extravaganza that I mentioned in my last post was undertaken last night - thru da night - and is currently at Stage One of completion, two more stages to go and then you can fully go viddy it, if you live in Manchester that is. If not then you might want to get a plane to Manchester to see it because it's going to be epic and long and taut with sinews, avenues and nuff nitty gritties. Should be in the bag this week so I'll reveal more details later.

OK, so for this week's textual F & B here's a long text piece that I don't think will ever see the light of day drawn. Too many wurds. H'enjoy!

(Bone Stand-up scene stage, all Bone talking)

Frame 1 : So what's up with the cheeseburger stare?

Frame 2 : It's intense. People just don't take their eyes off the prize, configuring their next bite

Frame 3 : Scanning the full circumference of their burger, checking ooze levels, seeing which section is in most need of attention

Frame 4 : Walking into McDonalds is like walking into a science convention. Heavy burger analysis going down, a room full of scientists

Frame 5 : Burger Science. It exists. Mate of mine did it at Teeside university, Bachelor of Burgers.

Frame 6 : I can't talk to someone who's in the burger trance...I just want to swipe it out of their hands. GET A ROOM

Frame 7 : I'm so conscious about the burger stare that I avoid eye contact with it completely. It's like we've had a row.

Frame 8 : We only exchange glances when I pick it up to avoid by fingers slipping INSIDE the bun. Hasselhoff style.

Frame 9 : BURGER LEGEND

END

9 frames, I know!

Scanners by David Groanenberg

Bit of a disappointing post for the centenary special but remember it's only 100 posts not 100 comic strips, I wouldn't dodge that landmark. Even so, it's weak but I have no scanner at this actual moment so i can't visualise my thoughts on screen. though I will be hooking up mysen with a scanner before Monday one hopes. Stay tuned for a full on 3D walk in dolby digital 2.0 imax sub woofer Flesh and Bone experience coming to Manchester verrr verrr soon. You'll actually be able to walk in to their front room and share a bloody hi-juice with them, can you even imagine? Scary stuff.

So, in place of an actual comic strip that you can look at lets have a written description instead for a bit of fun...

frame one:

Flesh : "You know how your mum works at McDonalds?"
Bone : *SIGH* "Go on..."

frame two :

Flesh : "Well, is it true she gets paid in burgers?"
Bone : "No."

frame three :

Flesh : "Then how'd she get so BIG, MAC?
Bone : "MY mum? Have you seen YOUR mum lately?"

frame four :

Flesh : "WHOA. Where did THAT come from?? Sheesh, chill son"
Bone : "Mum embargo?"
Flesh : "Mum embargo"

(Insert action brackets where appropriate)

Feel free to actually realise this script for me in drawn flesh & bone form if you like and post it here, go on!

Shop shop shawoddy woddy

Life imitating art imitating life imitating art. Accept no imitations. Good Grief, my shop, opens tomorrow. Excited times, come on down, blog it, tell your mates, browse, window shop, bring correct change, bring a £50 note, bring your mum and dad...or don't!

I got 99 posts and a beep ain't one. Lucky number 100 coming on Monday, not 100 strips - we're up to 88 on that count I believe. Bring it on, Queen Mum territory!

Improvisation Nation

This is my advert for the new Curb your Enthusiasm on MoreFour tonight at 10.40pm

Thanks

Slash vs. Brian

It's a tough one isn't it? Me got a shop opening a week on Tuesday, check it out here - - - - - - - goodgriefshop.blogspot.com . Not much there yet but there soon will be, a bit like the shop itself. Goosey gander ye on Thursday when I'll most likely be knee deep in it, F&B will be an island unto itself still, for chill.

For Mitchy Mitchellson

Love,
The Cheapest Guy in Town

Grandaaaaaad

Missed last week's Thursday F&B deadline by a country nose, didn't even come half-way close. My excuse is I've been mad busy, not the best I know. It won't happen again, or at least it shouldn't happen again. Lets put it this way, if Flesh & Bone was a box of miscellaneous things I didn't real need and it needed to be moved from one house to another thennnn I probably would have done it

See you Thursday, FOR REALSIES

Lady Luck

S T A N D U P

Thursday Thursday Thursday

For Perry

Somebody urban dictionary it right now. Happy Birthday week!!

See you Monday, unlucky number 13 followers! I've overtaken JC, praise be!!!!!

Starborks

Truth is, I'm the biggest panini//lattice fiend of them all. Pot calling the coffee black.

Til Thursday taters,
Dad

Happy Halloween

Get your pumpkins out

SPLOOSH!

Don't you just hate it when that happens? Monday's strip on a Wednesday, crude I know, please forsake me. The after school entertainment was just too great these past two nights plus I simply couldn't put down Ricky Tomlinson's new book, "My arse, my arse", pick up a copy of it from your local services!

Ciao metro men and geezer birds, 'til tomorrow! ow! ow! ow!

Mam Pants

How do you tell your mum to stop buying you grundies? One of life's many harsh-ities. Meanwhile, here's some celebrity sightings from this week :

Anthea Turner in Hobbycraft looking like a kid in a sweet shop
Danny Dyer in Past Times looking pissed off
Alan Carr in Spar doing his weekly shop
The Hairy Bikers in a Texaco garage, paraletic, buying up mars bars
Tara Palmer Tomkinson (TPT) doing a book signing at The Works looking snooty
Ricky Wilson from the Kaisers outside McDonalds having a cig
Heston Blumenthal in the Gadget Shop applying for a store card

More on Monday!

Spoonerism

BANG! This is getting posted bang on the stroke of midders! You're watching at the witching hour! Sorry Steak Night but Curry Club gets the funny vote, it's just more of an experience, bit of something different isn't it?

You might want to head to http://www.itsmountpleasant.com/html/lucy_jones.html for some choice updates to Lucy Jones' illustration arsenal. Fast becoming the best page in all the internet. More updates coming to the Mount Pleasant site s'laters this week

Get busy

Trundle in to the abyss

Damn that elusive joke bible!

Behold!

With great power comes great responsibility...and great gags!

See you Monday, remember to click the thumbnail (not *that* thumbnail) to make all strips fill your screen. It gives me nightmares to think that people just scan the honey I shrunk the kids versions, the devil is in the detail y'all. Or is it? You'll never know 'less you click it to big it!

Waiters were pretty skill last night hmm?

He does

Believe it or not, this cow lash sketch has been in the works for about a year, only this week though did closing inspiration come. Was it worth it? Is anything worth it?

Check it out, check it out, check it out! Check it out! I made my music video directorial debut this week. I like to think of myself of a young Chris Cunningham meets Richie Cunningham. The band is Former Bullies, the camera is web 2.0, the songs are timeless. Observe...

Enter the Randomiser

DO meet your heroes

Reality based humour

Bonefeld/Seinbone returns on Monday for more reality based humour

Audible Gasp

Ink weren't dry last night so I'm doing some belated AM scanning and posting. It's still Monday if you have been to bed but haven't had a bath yet! See you Thursday, and I mean Thursday

Random Factor

See you Monday mon doods, belated propsies to my boy Nick M for his lawn lobstering inspirod a couple of strips down. G-chat, the 21st century boy's riffing station of day-time choice. I'm online, find me

Mate

It's still Monday if you ain't gone to bed yet. Tune in on Thursday at a more reasonable hour for yet more unreasonable antics!

Reflections

'til monday...

The Snail Bit

Birth of a catchphrase?

Meanwhile, I got this real life email this week regarding this blog and possible marketing opportunities...

"Hi,
I like the comics on your blog, especially the "mountain out of a molehill" one. Thank you for sharing your talent. I have a small futon business and I am wondering if you would put a link to my site on your home page, my site is called www.thefutonsite.com. In exchange for linking to my site I would love to offer you a $50 certificate towards any item in my store. Check out my site and see what you think, and if this interests you"

So, the futon featuring post which would have lead this guy here clearly states that peoples futons are often covered in oats and hairs. Did you just read the word Futon and bliss out?

The Slug Bit

Next stop Monday stand-up fans!

It Dried Up

Remember back in day dot when Bone said his job was making mountains out of molehills? Granted the storyline never really took off but it was still his (never spoken of) job up until this career sidewinder into stand up! Rethink Bone, not the time for an unsteady career change in these tough economic times! Arrrgggghhhhh!! See you Thursday!!!

The Futon Bit

Bone goes stand-up??

Duvet Days

Looks like Monday's episode took the bank holiday after all, here it is on Wednesday, new one tomorrow and then we're back to Monday as usual. Routine is good?

Jury Service (Non Flesh & Bone)

I made a vow to myself that I wouldn't make non-pertinant entries anymore but my spirit is too strong to be broken. I realised yester eve that I hadn't reflected much in terms of word nor line on my jury service time a couple of munf back. So, to write those wrongs (guilty!) here's a top 3 list of things wot people in the dock sed, in descending order of greatness,

3 - fat poss drunk landlord man referring to the man who rented his property (and stood accused of growing a heroic dose of hydrophonixxx in three houses in bolton, "cannabis farms" no less) as "the oriental gentleman" about a thousand times, triple cringe!!!

2 - 'orrible denim clad orange faced Macca who was accused of threatening someone with a fake gat, describing his whereabouts on the night of the halleged incident, he'd had a few cans - the prosecuting lawyer (blind by the way, awesome) quizzed him on how many "a few cans" was, to which he replied...just a few, four or five. He followed up that classic with, "just had some beers, got back home, HAD MY RITUAL POT NOODLE and went to bed". Hold up! Reeeewind, ritual WHAT noodle? Advice for Macca in the future, don't look at and address "the ladies" in the jury, for instance if you're saying "believe it or not, LADIES, I get more action dressed as a woman than a man", which you did say dintcha! wot a wanka!

1 - ropey also pissed woman who was bringin' the case to Macca for fake gun fun answered at one point when being harangued by the lawyer with "Yeah but you did do that though DIDN'T YOU" type questioning, "Yeah, You're right. I made it all up...NOT!" Luckily the judge was au fait with the ...NOT jokes kids use these days. Sarcasm ain't dead baby!

Flesh and Bone to follow in about an hour, then back to normal service tomorrow...NOT! Only joking, really it is.

Again!

The earliest Thursday post for considerable time, I'm off to Sheffield that's why. It's my sister Roxanne's birthday, rejoice! I predict a buffet. Flesh & Bone both work bank holidays so it's normal service as usual on Monday, shibby!

Yes We Can

Monday's child is full of food, Thursday's child is more of the same? Find out Thursday, Thurbert!

No More No More No More No More

No, more next week!

SEE YA!

TTYN

Sofa Surfers of the World Unite

Hiiiiii Perry!

What it do

For all of those thinking this has turned in to the Flesh and Bonetta show, Bone AKA The Bonernator AKA The Bone Collector AKA Boney Wilson AKA Boney M AKA The Boneyard will be back on Thursday. Think on...

To Tha Curb

Sweet Monday next stop my moon units

TRISTAN!

Diaryia

M-m-m-m-m-monday

S'YEAH!

Thirsty for Thursday? Tues-should be, Mon

Sass from the Past

See you on Monday

Click

Happy 50th Flesh & Bone to me, happy 50th Flesh & Bone to meee, happy 50th Flesh & Bone to mee-eeee, Happy 50th Flesh & Bone to me. Celebrating it with a night blog, twilight express. Shouldn't you be watching Big Brother? Shouldn't I be watching Big Brother?

Dearest Bonetta

A Shared Interest

C H E C K B A C H T H U R S D A Y !

Dude, that's my sister

More on Monday!

Sister Sister

Scanner crisis? What scanner crisis? This strip goes out to my techno cybernauts at Maplin(s?), they saw me coming and ripped me right on! The doubters said it wouldn't be the power supply that was the problem but here comes the swagger of a champion and he's carrying a new plug in his hand. If you ever wonder, like I did today, is there such thing as a plug testing service? Yes there is. Doth this paragraph reek of damp for thee detail so drab? No it doesn't. Play on!

Gift hamper appeal - Please send your unwanted caffeine pills, lucozade alerts and digestive biccies to Maplin Krew, Stockport.

P.S. NEW FnB on THURSDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
P.P.S. Is it too late to change the title of the entry below to "A Scanner Darkly"?
P.P.S. My favourite bloggites have been busy, check Comfortable on a Tightrope and Nick Ainsworth's key fob blog or die tryin' - links to tha right -->

Thanks for nothing

OK, so no Flesh & Bone today. Not because I didn't do it, because I did. But because the scanner here is busted, it ain't got no power in it! Shit stain! What am I going to do?? WAHHHH!! The regular weekly updates were gathering so much momentum too, spannered after one week. Gonna reinvent the wheel and try get things back on track ASAP. Money for a new scanner anyone?

Goodbye cruel world

Credit Crunch

Tune in on Monday for more fresh Flesh & Bone!

Foody Filmic

Three month drought slump drump, forget that. We're back on the track, Flesh and Bone two times a week from this day forth - MONDAYS and THURSDAYS. Check back for regulars. Click the strip to see it bigger, as evers.