I made a vow to myself that I wouldn't make non-pertinant entries anymore but my spirit is too strong to be broken. I realised yester eve that I hadn't reflected much in terms of word nor line on my jury service time a couple of munf back. So, to write those wrongs (guilty!) here's a top 3 list of things wot people in the dock sed, in descending order of greatness,
3 - fat poss drunk landlord man referring to the man who rented his property (and stood accused of growing a heroic dose of hydrophonixxx in three houses in bolton, "cannabis farms" no less) as "the oriental gentleman" about a thousand times, triple cringe!!!
2 - 'orrible denim clad orange faced Macca who was accused of threatening someone with a fake gat, describing his whereabouts on the night of the halleged incident, he'd had a few cans - the prosecuting lawyer (blind by the way, awesome) quizzed him on how many "a few cans" was, to which he replied...just a few, four or five. He followed up that classic with, "just had some beers, got back home,
HAD MY RITUAL POT NOODLE and went to bed". Hold up! Reeeewind, ritual WHAT noodle? Advice for Macca in the future, don't look at and address "the ladies" in the jury, for instance if you're saying "believe it or not, LADIES, I get more action dressed as a woman than a man", which you did say dintcha! wot a wanka!
1 - ropey also pissed woman who was bringin' the case to Macca for fake gun fun answered at one point when being harangued by the lawyer with "Yeah but you did do that though DIDN'T YOU" type questioning, "Yeah, You're right. I made it all up...NOT!" Luckily the judge was au fait with the ...NOT jokes kids use these days. Sarcasm ain't dead baby!
Flesh and Bone to follow in about an hour, then back to normal service tomorrow...NOT! Only joking, really it is.
